


Better Understand the Truth

by AruWolf



Category: Saving Hope
Genre: F/F, Katz POV, from start to finish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 21:41:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10817313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AruWolf/pseuds/AruWolf
Summary: Everything comes to pass eventually, it was a motto to live by for Sydney Katz.





	Better Understand the Truth

**Author's Note:**

> not beta'd, my tenses are all fucked up

It’s not that Sydney Katz hates jokes, in fact she’d describe herself as a very funny and very compassionate Jewish woman. Although those aren’t always mutually exclusive; she tries to remind herself of that daily. It isn’t until Maggie Lin enters her life, or moreso throws her whole life through a loop, that she starts to truly contemplate her personality. She had everything planned for her future, but the minute Maggie cracked one of her _lame_ jokes Syd could feel it starting to happen. At first it was easy to ignore, throw a mean comment here, show some detachment there. Syd always prided herself on keeping her personal life separate from her work life; yet another thing Maggie made her question. 

Sometimes Syd would catch herself staring at the young soon-to-be Doctor, her short hair looked inappropriate but so _smooth_ … (And okay, kind of pretty at times. Nothing she’d admit out loud, of course.) And Maggie somehow always knew when she was staring, she’d look over with those deep brown eyes and Syd would pretend that there could be some Jewish in them. 

But it wasn’t real because then Maggie would crack another joke, and Syd would be reminded of the present- the future and what’s at stake. What’s most important in life, God, Science, and Marriage. 

And Maggie couldn’t give her any of those things. 

But that didn’t mean Syd wasn’t funny, she refused to let her feelings interfere with whom she knew to be. Which was very personable! 

“So you’re a hardass, I can get into that.” Maggie would say, casually crossing her arms as if this was common rapport between them now. 

It was comments like those that made Syd furious. Because not only were they a joke but it sounded like so much more to someone who had _hope_. Not that Sydney did, she was a faithful Jewish woman thorough and thorough. 

And with Maggie standing there, with that sly smile that only goes up halfway, Syd knew her fury was going to be short lived. (It always was with Maggie.) 

So she relaxed a bit around Maggie, and maybe let her guard down a bit. And maybe an accident or two happened, where they’d find each other in desperate need for some emotional relief. It wasn’t like they were searching each other out, it just happen. 

But it was the best accident that Syd had ever experienced, and she was an obstetrician. What’s worse is that Maggie kissed back, with those small lips and _stupid_ half smile. Sydney could feel it all, down to her bones. And when they parted Maggie’s eyes were staring straight through her. Syd could see the wheels turning, the possibilities forming in Maggie’s mind. (She couldn’t let that happen, this was already too much.)

No jokes to break the tension this time, Sydney just left. At least she tried to leave, they did work at the same hospital. But Sydney had a plan, foolproof and specifically Maggie proof. 

Get married. And quick. 

And then tell Maggie. 

And then _hope_ … for nothing. 

Of course with Maggie involved that didn’t go as planned, they had to _talk_ about it. They were always _talking_ and _joking_ now, _together_. And Syd was loath to admit it but she was actually happy, that kiss (and those feelings) were behind her, she could focus on her marriage separately then her feelings for Maggie. 

Not that she had feelings for Maggie! Like a colleague has feelings for their fellow… coworkers.

It was all very professional. 

Until. 

Until Sydney didn’t have anyone else to go to, and her past was there rearing it’s ugly head in the delivery room. And Maggie always knew what to say, even if it was a lame joke. Sydney had never felt so _listened_ to before, without judgement, without consequences, and it was all _Maggie’s fault_. 

_Damnit Maggie_. 

So Sydney took the plunge, head first as the figure of speech goes. And Maggie was so responsive, Syd was expecting some sort of backlash. A shout of betrayal, an angry shove. Anything that brought Sydney back to reality.

But in the end all she got was a lame joke. 

“You think I can count this as my physical?” 

Something about the way Maggie’s eyes twitched at the corners and matched the dark room around them made Sydney want her that much more. Her stupid humor, her sensible nature, her soft cries against the fabric. It was all so ingrained in Sydney. 

Then when it was over, an a sense of dread filled her to the brim. She had a problem and it wasn’t just her sexuality. Without even realizing it Sydney Katz had fallen in love with her student, Maggie Lin.

But that’s not the worst thing in the world, right? Sydney could handle getting over someone like Maggie. Someone who was so unwilling to quit and didn’t allow it to diminish their happiness. Maybe Syd wasn’t in love after all, maybe she was just envious.

Yeah, that made more sense. That way she wouldn’t have to tell her husband about it, well future husband. But definitely a husband nonetheless. 

Definitely a marriage. 

Maggie would understand, she always understands, in the end at least. Hopefully. 

And with anyone who’s had an addiction before Syd just couldn't stay away, so she extended an olive branch. She couldn't possibly eat non-kosher anyway so the gift card would go to waste, and Maggie’s always worked so _hard_.

“I’m kind of allergic to shellfish.” 

At first Sydney didn't know whether it was a joke or not, because there’s no way Maggie would be mad at her, right? 

Unless that’s the punchline. Having to watch Maggie go on a date with _the gift Sydney gave her_. 

She shouldn’t have been upset, but she was. And she always told everyone to _feel your feelings_ , but truthfully that sucked. And it only got worse, Maggie stared her down like a deer in headlights as if to ask, “You didn’t want me remember?” 

But what she _actually_ said was, “Why don’t you join us?” And that damn _hope_ came right back. 

It was so easy to agree and slip right back into their flow, their back and forth. Their _jokes_ , made _together_. Maggie would sometimes give her that same smile when they first kissed, as if she wasn’t the only one who still thought about it. It broke Syd’s heart but at the same time made her feel so put back together. 

Then her husband, future husband, showed up at the hospital and ruined _everything_. She had worked so hard to maintain a balance, to seek out happiness in the most righteous of ways. But she should have known better, with Maggie around anything was possible. 

Especially breaking off her engagement. 

And Sydney knew she should feel worse for dropping the gay bomb at the last minute on her very devoted, very traditional, very much not her husband, husband. She should feel some sort of betrayal to her own people, her own legacy, her own _life_. But again, Maggie’s brown eyes were there and she felt… _fine_. For once in her life, Sydney Katz was honest with herself. 

And it was her turn to joke with Maggie, “Your nose crinkled.” Because whether Maggie was telling the truth (that she would be fine) didn’t matter, Sydney was finally herself. 

But she still needed work, of course. No one stops growing, living, changing. So she worked on herself, and subconsciously forgot about the possibility of _hope_. This time Sydney had a feeling it would stick, her growth would help her get over everything. 

And then, always Maggie. It was the worst case serenio Maggie too, the one where she’s in a hospital bed and Sydney can’t do anything about it. It was a living nightmare, watching Maggie fight for her life with no ability to help. 

Maggie’s hair was damp, and she hadn’t noticed it before but it looked like she was letting it grow out. It wasn’t appropriate but Syd couldn’t help herself, she had to know if Maggie’s hair was just as fluffy as it was the last time she ran her fingers through it. 

_Last time_. 

She refused to believe it, her feelings were still there. Like a disease that she couldn't get cured but was slowly driving her insanethe. And with Maggie’s life on the line Sydney knew that she had to get better, that once Maggie was well again she needed to free herself from this cycle. (She needed to free Maggie.) 

Because Maggie would get better, Sydney wouldn’t allow it otherwise. 

Then it happened, all at once. Maggie got _worse_. 

But only for a moment. A nerve wrecking, tortured existence, of a moment. At least Maggie was better after, and still cracking _jokes _.__

____

____

“Sydney Katz, as I live and breathe.” Her weak voice and pale face barely moved but her eyes roamed. 

“I’m just happy you’re doing both.” Their banter was back and Sydney felt _whole_ again. Maggie wanted her to stay, and all Sydney wanted was to stare into those dark eyes for a moment longer.

It was the perfect last time before she knew it would end. 

And it did end, eventually, sweetly. Bittersweetly. 

Sydney focused all her energy into her work, into becoming who she pictured as a little girl. Even with a _new girl_ in her life. It was a very smooth transition and Sydney took comfort in the fact that she had control again, of her feelings. Even up until the last minute with Maggie. (Don’t let anyone tell you goodbyes can be quick, or easy, or anything other than heart wrenching.) 

But Sydney told her everything in the end, as much as she was comfortable admitting out loud at least. And Maggie returned the favor, with those small lips and that half smile… and a lame joke.

“I owed you one.” 

Then it ended.

At least that’s what Sydney had hoped for. With that same hope from the beginning, in the hospital room, with the horrible introductions, and the harsh tones, and the bad _bad_ jokes. It didn’t last, that hope never went away, and Sydney couldn’t live a lie anymore. (She had done it once before, and learned her lesson. Thanks Maggie.)

So she went back, for a different reason of course but that didn't change anything between them. Maggie knew. She always knew.

**Author's Note:**

> send prompts to: cardservices.tumblr


End file.
